5th Dec, 2016

Asparamancer shares her hot tips from Vale’s greens for 2016

Joshua Godfrey 15th Jan, 2016 Updated: 20th Oct, 2016

EVESHAM’S world renowned asparagus is mostly used to cook with, but for one lady the green vegetable allows her to predict the future.

Jemima Packington, also known as the ‘Asparamancer,’ has used asparagus to predict the major events and headlines we can expect to see in 2016, including the patter of tiny feet for a Royal couple Zara and Mike Tindall and a change in leadership for the Labour Party.

With a 95 per cent success rate, the fortune teller is pretty confident her prediction will come true.

If that’s the case we can expect to The X Factor coming to an end, Boris Johnson piping George Osborne to become the next Conservative Party Leader.

Her Vale of Evesham asparagus has even predicted the easing of the current refugee crisis which is gripping Europe.

Miss Packington revealed to the Observer the mysterious ways of Evesham’s asparagus and how the vegetable allows her to see into the future.

“I have a flat surface in front of me and then cast the asparagus onto the surface and I look at the patterns created,” Miss Packington said.

“I concentrate my attention on the asparagus and sometimes questions spring to mind.

“I normally have a 95 per cent success rate. You only have to look back at my 2015 predictions to see how accurate I was.”

The fortune teller also said how using foreign asparagus to cast predictions just doesn’t give the same results as the Vale’s asparagus does.

“I have predicted with foreign asparagus before, its success rate is nearer to 85 per cent. It’s just not as robust or earthy.

“There’s just something about Vale asparagus,” she added.

The Asparamancer’s predictions in full

The X Factor will be a thing of the past and will be consigned into history.

Boris Johnson will be the next leader of the Conservative party.

Zara and Mike Tindall will announce the patter of more tiny feet.

English asparagus will go from strength to strength- especially as the growing season is extended and she is able to use fresh English asparagus for her predictions.

The troubles with the Far Eastern stock exchanges will resolve themselves and order will be restored.

Harmony in the Middle East will still be a struggle to achieve but the refugee crisis will ease.

Prince Harry will have an important announcement to make.

The agreement on Climate Change made in Paris will just be ignored.

The British public will rebel about the Nanny State.

Changes at the top of the Labour Party are inevitable. Bye, bye Mr Corbyn.